The Review Chronicles
by The Review Chronicles
Summary: Need help with your writing? No problem! With two eccentric writers as your guide, you're bound to get helpful advice. Urushi and Dara balance out humorous comments and valuable feedback to create an entertaining review for you. The Review Chronicles are sure to lighten up what would be a dull review, so don't be afraid to send a request! CURRENTLY NOT TAKING ANY REQUESTS!
1. The Chapter That CHANGED THE WORLD

The brunette stared at the bright blue screen, squinting slightly from the light. As disbelief knitted her eyebrows, she exchanged glances with her companion before voicing her thoughts. "So... what now?"

The other teen girl smiled widely. "Now, we dance." As soon as she concluded her sentence, she began doing wild dance moves consisting of jerky hip movements and arm swinging similair to a frantic chicken.

Her friend crossed her arms, unamused. "No. Just no."

After calming herself down through slow deep breaths, her friend maintained a serious face.

"Are you sane now?" the more solemn girl questioned.

"Yep."

"Good. Anyway, I'm Urushi, this is Dara, and holy cow. We're technically communicating with aliens."

"Hi, mom!" Dara shouted excitedly in front of the camera. Urushi quickly pushed her out of the camera awkwardly.

"Um, so this is a, uh, we found this abandoned thingy in the forest and -"

Her hyper friend pressed her face against the camera once again, collecting all attention to herself greedily. "I got this! Okay, so one day me and Urushi were -"

She corrected, "Urushi and I."

"Wah! Stop judging me! Anyway, so Urushi and I were, like, walking through the forest like bosses. I was going to hunt for some zombies and shizz, and I rescued Urushi from a pack of zombies so we became friends and stuff -"

"We were friends long before that. That's not what happened."

"Well, it is now. Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, we were walking and then found this rectangle thing on the floor. Is it a toplap or something?"

Her only response was a mere shrug.

"So then there was also this thingy that's like long rope but plastic called a 'charger' but that's not the main point. Anyway, we pushed this button on the thingy and then it turned on and it was really weird," she said hyperly. However, something clicked in her mind, and she was instantly hurled into a world of paranoia. "Oh gourd. I just realized that maybe this thing will let the aliens into our world or if they plan to kill us all and suck our brains out and then we'll all turn into mindless zombies that will have to fight with the other zombies in the apocalypse!"

Immediately, Dara dived out of the camera's view, afraid of her apocalyptic imaginings.

Urushi continued the introduction for her, "So then we turned the laptop or toplap or whatever it's called in your world, and we saw that there was this thing that you guys use call fanfiction dot net or something, right? We found out this net had a huge collection of a lot of stories. We're both writers, so we really got excited about it."

"Stop talking!" Dara's voice bursted through. She concealed her identity with a turquoise blanket. "The aliens will find out about us and destroy the world! Here, use this blanket to hide your identity." She threw a thin blanket towards her friend. Urushi stared at it before sighing.

"Anyway, since someone had to go through buying this computer for us," she said, tossing the blanket to a nearby couch, "we decided to repay that person through offering writing advice. We're still a bit, uh, noob-ish at this -"

"Whaddya mean we're noobs? Look at this," informed Dara. She waved her hands in front of her face. "This. Is. Quality."

"Don't mind her. She has problems."

"What?" Dara appeared from the bottom of the screen, her alien "shield" still resting on her head.

"Anyway, we're offering a bit of advice for you guys. Hopefully, we can help you improve. We'll do each review on a first come first served basis, and the review will be posted here as a chapter, so you'll also get a bit of advertising. If that made any sense."

Dara butted in, "It didn't. Ha."

Her companion bit her lip nervously. "Well, it looks like the battery is running out. It seems thanking our toplap buyer is a story for another time. Don't get discouraged though! We're still reading the fanfics and if you want us to review yours, just private message us."

"Wah! Let me speak too!" Dara frantically shoved Urushi out of the way before sitting herself, still warped in her turquoise rag. She quickly hurried, however, at the camera's second beeping. Glaring at the small object, she demanded, "Stop rushing me! Okay, so like, you can either PM us or just you know, click that little button that says review and send in your request that way. Either way is fine. And also, have a potato-tastic day! Or afternoon. Whatever time it is where you -" Her last words were cut off with a final click as the viewers were met with darkness.


	2. Base of Operations by AxleMC131

After a few temporary moments of short-lived static, the mixture of black and white dots disappeared, revealing a young teen. It was neatly kept house based on the wooden inside appearance.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, lend me your eyes!" A young teen stood up, her hands spread out, as if waiting for a bear hug that might never come. "Today, we gather to honor the lost of a true friend. We'll never forget him, for-"

She was cut off by weary hand pushing her to the side. "Dara, we're not at a funeral, so stop with this... madness." The owner of the hand came into view, her exasperated sigh echoing across the empty room.

"This isn't madness! This is Dara!" the hyper girl yelled, determined to make her friend grow deaf. Urushi sighed again. To say she was on the verge of insanity after dealing with this everyday would be an understatement. A huge, sugar-coated understatement. "Whatever floats your boat. Anyway," a welcoming grin appeared on Urushi's face quickly. "We've got our first review! It's AxleMC131's _Base of Operations_! Make sure to give it a good read so you'll know what we're talking about, 'kay?"

"'Kay."

With a loud pop, a confetti popper proved its existence out of nowhere as colorful circles of paper flew upon the duo's heads. With the empty toy in her hand, Dara triumphantly grinned. "Happy first review! Woot!"

Urushi chuckled as she picked out confetti out of her cinnamon waves. "Anyway, let's get started, shall we?" She clapped her hands together, commencing the review to start.

Well, wherever "start" was. Her eyes widened nervously as she realized both she and Dara were going to come up with the dialogue right on the spot. The two friends glanced at each other anxiously.

Without a warning, Dara yelled, "Your story was amashing! Not amazing, but amashing!"

"Um, uh," Urushi muttered, searching frantically for what to say. "It was awesome. Yeah." She giggled shortly before staying focused on the topic at hand.

With her anttena-like hair, Dara grinned at the camera, giving off wild hand movements as she spoke. "It's a really unique plot that we haven't seen much of in the Minecraft scene. Pretty cool stuff, man. And it's so cute how you and your girlfriend write!" A squeal escaped from her lungs that was accompanied by a smile as her partner groaned. Dara laughed, "Don't mind her. She hates romance. I, on the other hand, think it's cute as long as it flows well, heh."

Urushi crossed her arms uncomfortably. She grumbled, "It's just too cheesy for me. But if it's pulled off well I can stand it."

"But there's action in this one. Didn't you say you liked action?"

Urushi's stubborn frown suddenly widened to a wide, mischievous smirk. "Oh yes. Especially blood. Gotta love that character death."

"Let's agree to disagree."

"Fine," Urushi shrugged before biting her lip nervously. "But my head kinda hurt during the chapter, trying to figure out what stuff was going on. And stuff. Yeah. Maybe you could've put a noobie that's just a temporary character or something and have one of the characters show him the ropes. Y'know, like the mission and goals of the army. Take baby steps, right? That way, we'll all learn the stuff as the noob learns as well."

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Like a stealthy enderman, Dara suddenly proved her presence to the camera. "And then maybe the noob dude can leave at the end of the intro or something so we can focus on the real main characters."

"Did you just throw away a character?"

"Yes. Problem?"

Dara chimed in, "Also, can I, um, get more description? Like, I dunno what does the huge ship look like. Is it supposed to be awesomely steampunk or a smooth white futuristic thingy? It'd be cool, but d-don't rant on the scenery! It'd get boring fast, so... yeah."

"I hate descriptions. It lags the story a lot."

"B-But it helps make you picture the scene! It's kinda necessary, right?"

"No."

Before Dara could come up with a catchy retort, Urushi continued talking at a rapid speed, hoping that by the time she finished, her friend would forget what she was going to say. "So yeah, that's about it, Axle. There weren't any major grammar/spelling mistakes, so everything's good." Dara opened her mouth to speak before being cut off once more. "Oh, yeah! And thanks for requesting. Your story is really exciting and it's getting more and more interesting as the plot continues. Keep up the good work!"

Dara frowned, seeming deep in thought. Urushi's plan had worked; she had forgotten what she was about to say. In a moment like this, there was only one thing to do that would surely grab everyone's attention whether negatively or positively. She took a deep breath before yelling as loud as her lungs would allow. "WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?" Instantly, Urushi winced as bitter notes escaped from her companion.

By the time Dara got to the chorus, she had covered her ears, groaning loudly in pain. Her friend ignored the cries of torture and pleads as she continued singing off-tune. Bringing her voice over the terrible singing, Urushi shouted toward the camera, "Thanks for reading everyone! Have a good night! But before you go, please help -" Her words were cut off as the camera sang into oblivion, followed by the cracking of the screen as Dara failed pitifully to hit a high note.


	3. The Reconosince Project by TheRainyAsian

Irritating buzzing reigned the screen as a tyrannical king before it was replaced by an excited voice.

"And the Great Dara returns!"

"Hey, what about me?"

"...And her assistant, Urushi."

"Seriously? I'm clearly the most mature here."

Immediately, two wide eyes gazed into the camera. "Hello, puny humans!"

"Dara, don't be rude. We're gonna lose requests!"

"Sorry." The teen backed away from the screen and reluctantly made way for her partner in crime.

"Hey, everyone! Urushi and Dara here," she introduced. "Today, we're gonna review The Reconosince Project by TheRainyAsian. It's his first fanfiction, so it will surely be an interesting read! The story is mainly about the future of the human race, in which nine- to thirteen-year-olds are chosen for the Reconosince Project -"

"Hey! Lemme tell them too!" Dara barged in. "So then these guys are like, supposed to have like amazing memorization skills so the countries pick them to keep their culture and religions alive. But since the higher-ups can't find a good environment since the world is polluted, they transport them into the world of Minecraft to start life anew!"

"All in all," Urushi continued, "It's a very unique concept with a few plot twists here and there.

"The A.N.T. part reminded me of the Disney Channel show Ant Farm," chimed Dara.

"She's been researching your culture for a while now. Apparently, you humans have watched a video over one billion times called 'Style of Gangnam,' I think."

"Hey! It's Gangnam Style!" Dara interjected.

"Please ignore her. She forgot to take her medication today. Anyway, your fanfic's pretty cool as a first. Though I really think you should reread your writing more carefully and correct those grammar mistakes. Maybe even get a beta-reader."

With her frizzy hair, a hyper Dara butted in. "Look at us! We beta-read for each other. Even though I am totally a sexy professional writer, I still make grammar mistakes."

Urushi shook her head with a slight smile as she continued with the critique. "But, um, please don't write author notes in the middle of the story. It kind of distracts the reader. When we read, our heads are inside of the story. An author's note in the middle kind of breaks us out of the story to remind us that this world is made-up. So yeah."

"Could you also slow down the story a bit by adding a few more details and descriptions of the settings?" Dara said, popping a stick of bubble gum in her mouth. "It's kinda hard to follow the character's actions and all."

"Your fanfic is still fantastic, though! Keep up the good work!" Urush praised before giving Dara her signature death glare for popping a bubble in her face.

"So I'm Urushi," Urushi waved, turning back to the screen.

"I'm Dara," she chewed noisily."And we'll see ya next time!"

"Unless one of us kills the other in the middle of the night using a pillow, paperclips, and two plastic Wolverine claws that were part of a cheap Halloween costume."

"What?"

"Nothing."

A click of a button was all it took for the camera's conscience to vanish completely from the world.


	4. Not Just Another Night by Kitte-Wolf

Two large eyes stared at the screen, blinking innocently.

"Why, hello there. My name is Miss Sexy."

"Dara, for Notch's sake, stop. You are_ not _sexy."

"You're just jealous, Urushi, of my sexiness."

Looking like she was about to choke her so called "friend_,_" Urushi sighed deeply before plastering on a forced smile to welcome the readers. "Heya! For our third episode, we're reviewing _Not Just Another Night _by Kitte-Wolf. It's about Notch and Herobrine, but I can assure you that it's not your typical story of two gods' rivalry."

Dara flailed her arms about with her signature, hyper nature. "It's got action! And blood! And violence! And more blood! And gore! And, and-"

"Overall," Urushi interrupted, bringing back the attention onto herself. "_Not Just Another Night _is pretty fascinating with a well thought out plot. Both Dara and I agree that this deserves a lot more attention than just one review. I mean, the average length for each chapter is two thousand words, which is really good."

"Excuse me for a moment," Dara muttered quickly before leaving her seat. Her friend gave her a curious glance before focusing back on her audience.

"Anyway, Kitte-Wolf, I think you might want to use less complex sentences. Too many makes the story a little confusing. It's good to use a mix of compound-complex, compound and simple sentences."

"LIKE TRAIL MIX!" Out of nowhere, confetti made of a variety of raisins, candy, and nuts rained down on Urushi as a cheerful Dara bounced up and down. "I FREAKING LOVE TRAIL MIX!"

Gritting her teeth, she glared at Dara as her friend popped a chocolate candy in her mouth. "Don't worry, Urushi, I'll clean this up."

"And pigs will grow wings and fly," Urushi retorted.

"Oh," Dara said, ignoring her partner and swallowing a few almonds. "And also, you might wanna use some linebreaks to make it less confusing. Me and Urushi -"

"Urushi and I," her friend corrected.

Dara sighed. She had finally gotten her revenge, as simple as it was. "Fine, _Urushi and I _were a little confused when you suddenly jumped from Siem and her brothers to their worried parents."

"And, um, in the first chapter, you started using the word 'average' a lot, which is great for emphasis, but if you use it a lot, then it gets sort of tiring." Urushi added. "But at least it's not as tiring as _someone's _trail mix obsession." She rolled her eyes pointedly as her friend placed her hand on her heart, displaying mock hurt.

"Me? Tiring? I think you need to sit down and take some medicine, because I'm as tiring as a zombie dressed as a sloth dressed as an enderman eating pancakes."

"But seriously, though, this fanfiction is _amazing. _Hopefully some of you will take the time to check it out, because this story is definitely worth more than just one review."

"Yep! Let's spam her inbox with reviews! We can call it Operation Review!" grinned Dara mischievously.

Chuckling slightly, Urushi waved. "Well, that's about it, so remember, if you want to be reviewed, just shoot us a PM or review. Bye, and remember," her voice shrunk to a whisper, "Kitte-Wolf cannot know about Operation Review at any cost! Right, Dara?"

Urushi turned to her friend as Dara waved to the mailman outside.

"Dara?"

"Oh, I'm just saying hi to the mailman. He's nice. He was just leaving, but then he let me give him a letter to Kitte-Wolf."

"Wait, what letter?"

"Y'know, the letter about Operation Review!"

"... I'm this close to snapping your neck and becoming a murderer. Do you know that, Dara?"

"I know that as much as I am sexy."

"Good for you, then. Good for you. Hopefully, your 'sexiness' can also save you from my knife."


	5. Normal Is Not My Strongest by DJMidge

A voice pierced through the empty void of the camera as the black-and-white static's reign crumbled to an end. Snickering was heard as a girl exclaimed excitedly, "Ha! I'm first _this _time, Dara."

With crossed arms, an aggravated Dara was seen, grumbling incoherently. "All of this since I lost that stupid bet. Ugh."

Triumphantly grinning, Urushi continued. "This fanfic review is the sibling edition with DJMidge's first Minecraft fanfiction, _Normal Is Not My Strongest_. The story is about Sky's sister, Amy, who discovers that her brother, Adam, is actually the leader of an impressive militia known as, you guessed it, the Sky Army."

"Hey, can I talk now?" her friend pouted bitterly.

"No, you lost the bet. You are to remain quiet for the rest of your days."

"B-But-"

"No buts."

"Heh. Butts."

Rolling her eyes at her friend's immaturity, Urushi gave an exasperated sigh. "I'll let you talk if you don't move a finger, foot, or toe while we're giving this critique." From her glare, it was clear the memory of being showered with trail mix was still fresh on her mind.

Dara's eyebrows began to move teasingly as she grinned.

"No eyebrow dancing, either."

She sighed, crossing her arms once again and allowing her friend to continue speaking. "Fine," she muttered.

"Anyway, what I really liked about the story was the revelation of how Dawn didn't break up with Adam but was killed by the squids instead."

Abruptly, an eruption of laughter appeared as Dara struggled to breathe calmly. Clutching her stomach in pain, she giggled, "I-I can't handle the, the nickname for T-Ty! _Tyo!_" Failing pitifully to hide another snicker, Dara barely managed to stop herself from falling off the couch.

"Why do I put up with you?"

"'Cause I'm sexy."

"I thought you learned your lesson. Did your 'sexiness' save you from the pillow fight last night?" Receiving no answer, Urushi added, "I didn't think so."

Ignoring Dara's intense guffawing, she continued. "Of course, even the brightest diamond has some flaws, so here are some suggestions to improve your fanfic. First off, I think you should really reread your writing carefully and squish those grammar and spelling mistakes out of existence. A beta-reader is really good at that, so I recommend getting one that's skilled with that type of thing."

"Like me," Dara interrupted, mockingly posing like an arrogant supermodel.

Urushi scoffed, "You? A good beta-reader? Puh-lease! I'm obviously the best here, being able to tolerate your chicken scratches."

"Yeah, well," her energized friend said, "let the master give out a tip too! I think… uh… I forgot."

"Pacing."

"Oh, yeah! You should pace your story more. It goes too fast for me, to be honest, and I'm pretty sure that even though we kinda bicker often, Urushi and I agree on the fact that a good story should have a lot of details. Like, your first chapter has a really good length of two thousand words, but Amy already found out about Adam's true identity and the Sky Army, as well as getting a room in the place, too. And I really want to learn how to get a guy from her, because she even earned herself a date with Mitch by ...eating pizza?"

"Dara, you should know better than to underestimate pizza. Pizza is good at seducing guys."

"And sexy."

"Maybe not sexy, but delicious."

"Same thing. I mean, pies are sexy _and _delicious."

Ignoring her comment, Urushi continued, "Also, you should check in case she's a Mary-Sue. Just in case. Maybe it's because we haven't seen much of her personality yet, but you should get her checked out just in case."

"Objection!" With a solemn face, Dara stood up from her seat, pointing towards the sky as if mocking a superhero's posture. "It's not a Mary-Sue moment, though, if she was joking with Mitch when she said that they're planned meeting at the PvP place. If she teases that it's like a date, then perhaps she's flirty. Then it should be part of her personality and be shown throughout the fanfic. That way, it won't be so obvious and fast-paced that the ship will grow, and she'll also be kinda less of a Sue."

"Fine then. Well, now that we're done with that," Urushi said, cracking her fingers, "we have a little message."

"Urushi's pregnant!" her friend interjected, narrowly dodging a blaze rod thrown at her face.

"For Notch's sake, Dara. No. Just… no. But really, all jokes aside, we're announcing this just in case you didn't know this before. We're reviewing any story you send us as long as you really want genuine, non-biased advice. We will not, however, be doing smut. Or lemon."

"What's wrong with lemon? It's just a fruit," Dara asked innocently, causing Urushi to fidget uncomfortably with her bracelet.

"Uh… I'll tell you later. Anyway," Urushi said, trying frantically to change the topic. "So any story is fine with us. Both Dara and I are aware about the whole 'Heed My Words' incident with the archive, so we're just saying right now that we accept both Youtuber fanfictions and original Minecraft fanfictions."

"And that's all folks!" Dara winked at the screen flirtingly as her companion shoved her out of way.

"Just turn it off already, Dara, I need to go kill some endermen. We're running low on enderpearls."

"I'll turn it off if you tell me what lemon means."

With a groan, Urushi leaned over, whispering inaudible words into her ear. Dara's eyes instantly widened as her jaw dropped in shock like a furious enderman. "Okay, okay! Turning off! Turning off! I regret my demand so very much."

With that, the tyranny of the monochrome dots began anew as the voices of the two teens faded into the darkness.


	6. Can I Be Accepted by Scdoodles

"WHY THE NETHER ARE YOU TURNING ON THE CAMERA?" Dodging a zombie's rotten teeth, Urushi shrieked into the possessor of the camera's ears. "IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY ENDERMEN!"

"Dude, there's no need to shout. I can hear you just fine."

"THERE IS EVERY NEED TO SHOUT! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS BEING AN IDIOT AND TURNING ON A CAMERA IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUNT!" She slashed at another enderman's eye, causing its jaw to flip wide open as if in shock.

"We can be famous if I record this to show the humans how dangerous our world is! Think about the money, Urushi, and the fame! A-and the power! And the-"

"OKAY, I GET IT! NOW HELP ME KILL THIS ENDERMAN!"

"Got it," Dara responded, gently placing the camera on a ledge in the face of the mountain. She notched an arrow and aimed it precisely on the center of the violet creature's heart. She released the string with a twang, causing the pointed ammunition to whizz forward. Staying on its predicted course, the arrow stabbed through the enderman's heart cleanly, destroying it in the process.

"Yeah! Got a kill!"

Her partner, however, neglected her proud exclamation and instead remarked, "Less talking, more fighting."

"You can't tell me what to do. I'm older than you by one year!" Dara stuck out her tongue as she ducked to avoid a zombie's grip.

"Doesn't make you one bit mature at all."

"Screw this. We already have enough enderpearls. Can we leave now? I'm tired," Dara whined, her shoulders slumping as she fiddled with her bow string.

Rolling her eyes in disbelief, Urushi said, "You killed one. _One. _I've been doing most of the work so why are _you_ tired?"

"I also killed that creeper that was sneaking up behind you," Dara defended.

"What creeper?"

"Exactly."

Shaking her head, Urushi, with the help of Dara's distracting skills, soon made short work of the endermen. Pocketing the enderpearls gained from the hunt, Urushi admired her teal sword, decorated with dripping lilac blood splattered here and there.

"I swear, you're ready to marry your diamond sword someday," her friend laughed, the arrows tumbling in the leather quiver strapped on her back. She dug into her pouch. Meeting empty air, her face scrunched up in a frown. "Hey, what happened to the camera?"

Instead of responding, Urushi gestured towards the stone face of the mountain, the camera lying in the open like a sign that pointed to the fact that Dara had the memory capability of a goldfish.

"Oh. When did it get there?" Dara scurried to the camera and stuck it gently into her jade pouch as Urushi pressed her fingers to her face to massage her temples.

"Okay, Let's go." Urushi's words hung in the cold air as she threw a crystallized enderpearl toward the direction of their home. Dara copied the action, and purple puffs of smoke appeared in their eyes before vanishing, revealing their place of residency.

The two entered the building, Dara immediately collapsing on the couch. Her friend faked a cough, causing the sleepy girl to grumble something incoherent and hand her the camera.

"I guess I'm doing this on my own," Urushi muttered as she placed the camera in its original place. Displaying a smile filled with artificial sweeteners, Urushi finally began the review. "Sorry for the long delay. Anyway, this episode is the ender edition with Scdoodles' _Can I Be Accepted_."

"No…" Dara muttered in her sleep. "You can't… You're not… sexy enough…"

Urushi glanced at her friend for a moment before smiling once again. "_Can I Be Accepted _is about Enderlox meeting Sky, Seto, HuskyMudkipz, and Jerome and discovering what's beyond the Void. First off, I think the story is pretty decent because, unlike others, it's not too rushed. I also like how Enderlox is making assumptions on the weaponry of the Minecrafters such as pointy ammunition are arrows and poopy-looking armor which is actually leather armor. This actually kinda reminds me of when Dara learned that 'butter' was actually gold."

"I….can't believe…..it's not...butter, " Dara snored, drool making its way slowly down her face.

"However, you can always improve. When you're writing and you have to use a number, use the word form rather than the actual symbol. Like…" Urushi rummaged through a wooden chest in the corner before finding a notebook and a pen. She scribbled down a number 7 and the word "seven." "See?" she said, holding up the paper. "The word seven flows better and looks professional in writing."

Putting the notebook aside, she continued, clearly enjoying the peace and quiet without Dara, "In addition, there are a couple of grammar mistakes here and there that could've been avoidable with a thorough reread. An example is that conjunctions like 'didn't' sometimes didn't have an apostrophe. There was also the part where you talked about fighting the ender dragon and typed _Enter _Crystals instead of _Ender _Crystals. But overall, the grammar wasn't bad. Pretty good compared to other stories we've read actually."

"Also, you shouldn't say 'dramatic pause' in parentheses when you want to show that someone pauses. Maybe you can say, instead, 'All right, then. I'll tell you.' The enderman paused, as if for dramatic effect.' See? Kinda cooler that way, right? Additionally, you should try to add more descriptions. Not much, just more here and there."

The subtle sound of a deflating balloon was heard. Urushi shrugged it off until a foul stench caused her to cringe her nose in disgust. She glanced at her impolite partner, appalled.

The said person paid her no mind and continued muttering, "Chile….Dog….hehe...dog butts.."

"And, that's about it. Except for one thing…" Urushi grinned mischievously at the tranquil face of her roommate.

She stood up and quietly tip-toed to the door. A few moments passed and she returned, this time with a small bottle in her hand. She stood several feet away from the snoozing bear and with experienced hands, flung the splash potion towards Dara, sending a splatter of a turquoise concoction to fly upon the room.

Because of the shattering sound, Dara was startled awake, falling off of the worn couch. She struggled to stand up, but when she did, she could barely keep her footsteps balanced as she walked to Urushi. "W-What?"

With a triumphant grin, Urushi took a chomp out of a porkchop in her hand. "Splash Potion of Dizziness."

"Wah!" Flailing her arms wildly, Dara collided into the camera, causing it to fall and drown in buzzing, monochrome dots. Before the camera sank entirely into oblivion, it managed to make out a final voice declaring war. "I-I'll get you for this, Urushi!"


	7. Fire Within by EternalDraygon

"Oh, what's this? Are you stealing things again, Dara?"

"Wah? Me? Steal? No way!"

"At least it's not drugs, Mors. You have to give her credit for that."

The black-and-white spots that dotted the screen soon fled from the scene as a curious finger stabbed at the camera.

"Oh look, it's turning on." 

"Of course it is. What were you expecting?"

"I dunno, maybe zombies or some weird creeper."

"Stop poking it," Dara whined. "You're gonna dirty the lens."

As soon as the wandering finger was pulled away from the lens, a ginger was seen, an abnormal compared to her companions.

"Mors, please step away from the camera. And put your sword away. It's not a monster." Urushi sighed, "You know, Sometimes I think you're just as bad as Dara."

"Hey!" Dara exclaimed indignantly, "At least I don't try to murder everything!"

"Are we gonna do this 'review' thingamajig or not?" It was obvious from her exasperated words that the girl had been the spectator of many arguments between the pair.

"Uh yeah, we are. So hey guys. Urushi here with her assistant, Dara!" Urushi welcomed, complete with her signature bright smile.

"A-Assistant? I think it's the other way around!"

Neglecting Dara's rebuttal, Urushi continued, "Today we're reviewing EternalDraygon's fanfic, _Fire Within_. With a star guest!"

"I thought it was guest star," Dara said.

Contrary to expectations, it was Mors who replied, "Guest star, star guest, whatever. As long as it says guest. So, hey y'all! I'm Mors, Urushi's cousin from out of town."

"Mors? Are you from Mars?" teased Dara, a grin on her face.

However, the mocked was not pleased. "I am the personification of death. If you even dare to-"

"Do you like s'mores? Because, y'know, Mors rhymes with s'mores."

This time even Urushi couldn't help but giggle at the expression on Mors' face. It was, without a doubt, priceless.

"Let's focus, guys," Dara said with mock seriousness.

"Okay, so uh, _Fire Within _is about AntVenom who, after a close encounter with an enderman, goes on a journey to find out about his real heritage."

Mors continued for Urushi awkwardly, unaccustomed to the layout of the review. "He's also accompanied by CaptainSparklez and this other girl called Storm."

"She must be really causing a _storm _for Ant and Sparklez in the plot! Ha ha. Ha. Ha." Dara laughed, but her chuckles quickly died away when met with her companions' unamused faces. "Hey! That was a good pun, you know. I've been planning that pun ever since I read the story. I actually read it a while before, but never reviewed because I'm too lazy. SO HERE IT IS. I FINALLY REVIEW YOU. BE PROUD TO BE BLESSED BY YOURS TRULY."

Urushi rolled her eyes and ignoring her friend's praise for herself, remarked, "Well, I really liked your fanfic, EternalDraygon, because above all, it's not too rushed, has good grammar, and a fine plot. Not to mention, the chapters are all pretty long in addition to a lot of details."

"Yeah! I totally think it should get more recognition!" Dara exclaimed cheerfully. She flailed her arms excitedly in the process, causing a few nearby vases to be knocked over.

"Really? I thought it needed a bit more bloody action. But I have to admit, it was good when you built suspense on chapter two to three with Ant's departure and the evil people in the third chapter." Mors chimed, chewing on a Mars candy bar topped with marshmallows thoughtfully.

"But uh, I do agree that you need to show a bit more emotion," said Urushi. "Like, when Ant is creeped out by the note. You could've included some body language as well. Maybe his fingers dug into a throw pillow nearby or something. Body language is really good at expressing emotions."

"Yeah. You can also try to rearrange the sentences so they sound better. Like, on the line 'Had he been able to use magic his entire life?' would sound better to me after the sentence 'Ant sighed, continuing to gaze out of his bedroom window.'" Mors said, slowly getting the hang of reviewing.

"But the plot drags a bit, sometimes. Nothing too major, but with these two, they expect five people to die every chapter, so…" Dara shrugged, not at all regretting her words as two pairs of eyes began to pierce through her head, imagining her death in very painful ways.

"There's also a lot of repeats of same phrases, which lag the story. But not as much as my computer." Mors took another chomp out her chocolate bar, "accidentally" spraying almonds at Dara.

"Wow! Watch it, Mors. You _almond_ hit me with an almond!"

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. It's not my best pun, but really."

Urushi blurted out the conclusion before Dara could shoot any more corny jokes. "Anyway, go check out EternalDraygon's story! It's actually pretty good. I recommend it for those of you who like fantasy and such." Urushi turned to her cousin. "Mors, do you want to end it off?"

"Well, sure I'll -"

Before she could finish, Dara barged into the front of the camera, attracting all of the attention greedily. "That's all, folks!" She blew a kiss to the audience before sticking her tongue out to Mors.

With an abrupt click, the screen vanished into buzzing, monochrome dots.


	8. Sky's Sis by Dragonflyz

"I am so done with you, Dara."

"You're not done. You barely started with my smexiness."

"... No."

The camera awoke from its electronic slumber, meeting the face of a very annoyed teen and a grinning girl, her arms crossed in triumph. The former rolled her eyes at her friend beside her, mockingly striking a pose as if to deride a supermodel.

The hyper girl spoke with an obvious touch of pride. "Today's episode is the Australian water edition with _Sky's Sis_, written by Dragonflyz. It's about Isabel, a girl living in Australia who finds out she is really Sky's missing sister when she overhears a conversation her mother had one night. Isabel eventually finds out her true name is Ashley and, after meeting Adam's friend, joins Team Crafted."

"Yeah, well, we really liked it due to how Isabel finds out her parents are not her real parents. It's creative and gives a little twist to the story," Urushi complimented.

Dara giggled. "I love the part where Sky takes revenge on Ashley during the airplane flight with water. It was really funny."

"That too. After all-"

Before she could finish, Dara interrupted, "Wait! Hey, Dragonflyz, since you know so much about Australia, can you tell me whether or not it has really expensive water? Is that the reason why animals like kangaroos and koalas live in Australia and not any other place in the world?"

"Dara, there's no way that's the reason."

"But what if it is? Huh?"

At her friend's comment, she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you go ahead and think that. Anyway, as decent as Sky's Sis is, I think you can improve by making the chapters longer. You can also make it less rushed and more detailed. As always, don't forget to double check on grammar which means using your and you're correctly. In addition, remember to add capitals to your words."

"Dude," Dara began, puffing her cheeks innocently. "Why so serious?"

Urushi squinted her eyes in curiosity. "Is that a Batman reference?"

"No, it's k-"

"No! Stop with the k-pop. I will crack your head open if you say another word. I bet they're all secretly gay."

"B-But… G-Dragon is _fabulous._" She pressed her hand on her heart, her jaw exaggeratingly open like an aggravated enderman.

Urushi facepalmed. "Sure. Whatever floats your sinking boat. Anyway, I would suggest to add more feeling like how she felt when she found out her mother was not her real mother."

Before she could explain any further, her companion shoved her out of the camera's view. "I'm an expert at that," said Dara, flashing a wink. "Like, body language is a really good way to express emotion. We mostly communicate through body language more than words, so sometimes that awkward shifting in a chair or nervous twiddling of thumbs can actually mean a bit more."

"A good opportunity to use body language would be when Ashley met Sky. I think they acted too casual to be long lost siblings. Sure, the hug was great, but I would be even more excited to find my long-lost sister. Oh, and it might just be me but you put the record as more than three hours. Is Ashley's lunchtime really that long?"

"And some parts don't make sense, logically," added Dara.

"Yeah. But at least they make more sense than you."

"I'll take that as a compliment, since I'm more complicated than anyone can understand. So some parts don't make sense for me, like when the guy e-mailed Ashley asking for her e-mail address. Even _I _would be a bit skeptical about giving my address to someone I don't know, and I'm the type of person to try to befriend a creeper that's attacking our house."

"Internet safety tip, kids. Don't give strangers your contact information."

"Unless they offer you ice cream." Dara added, ignoring the glare she received from Urushi.

"Also, try to check if your character is a Mary-Sue. She hasn't shown any signs of characters flaws - well, at least flaws we can point out - and she lives in Australia, the same country that you live in. Writers who have accidentally written a Mary-Sue tend to make them similar to themselves, so try to check on that." With annoyed eyes, Urushi squinted at her lines printed in the paper. "Hey, how do you know she lives in Australia?"

Dara grinned widely with a touch of pride. "I'm known for my super detective-like stalking skills. I stalk on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other social media I can get my hands on, including fanfiction profiles!" A subtle vibration was heard from something in Dara's pocket. "Oh, sorry," she said, digging into her pocket. "Gotta check facebook to see what my enemies are talking about."

Urushi stared at her friend in a mixture of disbelief and confusion, "What's bookface?"

Her comrade gave her a look that could pierce through the scales of an enderdragon. "Wow, such book. Much face. Very mistake."

Again, Urushi frowned, "I don't get it. Why are your sentences incomplete?"

"Hush! I must see why all of my rivals love the Hunger Games so much."

"Games of Hunger? Is that where contestants compete for food or whatever?"

Dara stared at her friend for a moment, unable to comprehend her limited knowledge on current trends. "Urushi, we really need to work on your knowledge of the social media world."

"I don't think that's really important right now."

With a strong determination to convert Urushi into pop-culture-ism, she pocketed her phone and stood up, her hands placed on her hips. "Of course it is! You have to know about Korean drama and Attack on Titan and -"

"Anyways," Urushi interrupted, "There's this one part in which Ashley splashed water at Sky at the airport. When he asked why she did that she responded, 'Because I can, duh,' I don't think you should really write that. It's not how people usually treat the one they once fangirled over and is also their long lost brother."

"What would you know about that, Urushi?" Dara huffed. She crossed her arms, clearly annoyed at Urushi for cutting her off.

"Everything. 'Cause I'm sexy," Urushi retorted, grinning triumphantly at Dara's expression.

"What? Y-you can't do that! It's my quote! Mine!" Dara whined.

"Not anymore."

"What? Okay, that's it, young lady. I'm going to post a thousand edits of your face with a mustache all over Tumblr."

"So? It's not like they know me or anything…"

"They will when your face becomes a meme."

An awkward silence reigned as king.

"Exactly."

"Whatever. By the way, Dragonflyz, there's this other part where Ashley finds out about her real family and asks herself, 'How could my parents be dead? I really wanted to meet them.' And then there's this weird symbol or something, I don't know, but maybe Miss 'Pop Culture' right here can figure it out."

She dragged Dara to the screen and pointed at a colon and parentheses mark.

"Oh, that's a sad face. Commonly used in the wide array of vocabulary words and unique to the manner of 'text-speech,' it is used to express sadness, sympathy, or generally negative emotions to the other side."

"Great job, Dara, but I didn't need a definition from the Oxford dictionary."

Dara breathed in to say something, but the words were unable to materialize. She took out a slip of paper and unfolded it, quickly skimming through with a thoughtful hum. "Hmm, I think we've covered everything." She stared at the camera and grinned. And that's a wrap!" said Dara, clapping her hands together. "Now to get back to _My Love From The Star_."

Before she could scamper away to watch her Korean drama, Urushi gripped her arm. "Not yet, Dara. We have to remind them about finals, right?"

She pouted like a spoiled toddler, stomping her foot and glaring at the birch floor. "Ugh, fine. So, guys, we're both still in school, so we have finals and tests and stuff. Yeah. So we're really busy and might not be updating a lot. Don't worry if we don't get to your fanfic right away, because finals are causing me to flip some tables, and when I flip tables, _I flip tables_. I think I won a medal or two from the National Table-Flipping Competition. Right?"

"Yeah. But I'm still better at hunting than you," Urushi remarked, flipping her hair to display her superiority.

"But I'm older. And sexier."

Urushi scoffed, rolling her eyes. "You wish."

As Dara began shooting words like arrows in war, the camera faded into darkness until the chatter of the bickering duo subsided.


	9. Legend: Part 1: City of Caelum

"Yeah, but- Wait, where's Mors?"

"She probably ditched us. Again."

The brunette sighed, massaging her temples stressfully. "Every single time."

"E-Every single day?" Her comrade's eyes widened as a bright smile bloomed on her face. "That's a song! From an amazing Korean drama! Oh my gosh, the actor that plays Park Soo Ha in 'I Hear Your Voice' is just so… ah~" Dara peacefully closed her eyes, dreaming about the popular actor much to Urushi's disgust.

"Mors only early when it concerns her OTP. And shut up about the k-pop. It's not like I'm _ever_ gonna click the links you send me."

"B-but 'I Hear Your Voice' is actiony! And it has a few plot twists since it's a law drama!"

"Plot twist, they all get murdered… by me."

"Well, there _is _a murderer chasing the main lead, so…" She shrugged.

"Shut. Up." Urushi said, slamming a hand over Dara's mouth. "Anyway, today's review is the creepers-are-better-than-people edition with AngelTheSeventh's _Legend: Part 1: City of Caelum_." She released her grip on Dara's mouth, giving her permission to speak once more. "Anyhow, this story is about Jade, a minecraftian who is trying to survive in the perilous wilderness after she is blamed for a crime she didn't do. And then she meets this weird dude called Jordan Phoenix, and so begins a chain of events that'll affect the world. Pretty cool, I must admit. You know, I think creepers should be rewarded for not being people, especially since Jade's friendly creeper understands her more than that stuck-up chick, Selena."

A mischievous twinkle sparkled in Dara's eyes. Instantly, the cheery notes of a ukulele began from nowhere as she grabbed a microphone that had suddenly proved its existence. "Because creepers are better than people~ 'Rushi, don't you think that's true?"

Instead of singing the next lyrics, she crossed her arms to express her contempt for the abrupt musical number. "Can you _please _stop with that 'Winter' or 'Ice' movie. It's all over tumblr and it's annoying."

Dara's brightness was unaltered by her comments as she continued singing along with the vocal talents of a dying enderman. For this specific line, she imitated Urushi's voice. "Yeah, people will beat you and curse you and cheat you. Every one of em's bad, except you~" She humbly pressed her hand against her heart, expressing joy. She had paused the song and spoke in her normal voice. "Aw, Urushi. I didn't know you were this… ice. Get it? 'Cause the song is from _Frozen_,and it's about _ice_? Ice? Nice? I'm on a roll!"

Urushi gave her an exasperated sigh. "I should really replace you with Mors like _permanently_. Sometimes, I think you're a waste of oxygen."

"_Sometimes. _What about those other times, huh? You know you love me, 'Rushi."

"Anyway, enough with your… musicals or whatever. We're here to review AngelTheSeventh's fanfic, not destroy our hearing with your screaming - I mean singing."

The massive k-pop fangirl stood straighter than usual and pledged like a loyal soldier. "Yes, sir!" she shouted.

"So, basically, when Dara and I read your fanfiction, we listed out all the pros and cons, and let me just say that the cons were virtually nonexistent. This may be the best fanfic we've reviewed so far."

"Yeah! You _totally _deserve at least one bajillion reviews. You deserve it way more than some people I can name… but I won't."

"... You better not be referring to me or else I'll stab you with my new rapier." Unsheathing the sword, she flashed the blade that glinted under the glowstone on the roof with murderous intent.

"'Course not," shrugged Dara, apathetic towards the weapon in her friend's hand as if the death threat was an everyday occurrence. "But I hope you can do humanity a favor with that rapier and stab Mary Sues instead of my poor kidney."

"I'll make sure to do that another time." Setting the sword aside, she continued the review. "I actually really like your story because of how the narrator's _mother_ is the miner rather than her father or another male. And I applaud your good grammar and spelling. It's a rare quality nowadays."

"Trust me, Angel, that is the highest of compliments," Dara solemnly said, placing a hand on her chest. "She rejects my plot ideas for new stories ninety-nine percent of the time. Speaking of percentage, both Urushi and I are super duper glad that you used the number ninety-five rather than the numerical form."

"Not to mention how there were no author notes in the middle of the chapter with the exception of one in chapter one-after-the-prologue. We've only read three chapters for the sake of time, but it was pretty amazing. We'll be looking forward to more from you."

Dara shoved Urushi out of the camera, firmly believing it was her time to shine. "I really like the mystery in the sentence about Jade's choice on whether or not she was going to stay in her village or explore new terrain. It was, and I quote, 'I already knew what my choice was, but I was waiting to see if anything could change my mind. I was pretty sure nothing would.' With her adventurous personality, it seems that she would venture outside of her town, but it isn't certain, so I like that. When I read the whole story, I'm hoping to see more of that so keep up the good work!"

"I actually think she's kinda a Sue since, well, she's smart and kind of acts superior to her classmates."

"No way," objected Dara. "She's not near a Mary-Sue. Her character flaw is being a bit egotistic since she's smarter than all of her peers.

Urushi shrugged, "I guess, but you still might want to work on her, Angel."

The eccentric co-host beside her bitterly mumbled something incoherent.

"What was that?"

"Um… uh…"

"Just spit it out already."

"Um, uh, it's just 'cause…" Immediately, she slammed a fist onto the birch table. "My Korean drama will only have one episode this week because of a holiday! Ugh!"

"And what holiday is that?" she interrogated, maintaining an emotionlessfaçade.

"Uh," Dara glanced around in search of an excuse before her eyes landed on a stuffed camel. The girl frantically said, "T-the flying camel holiday! Hump Day! Yeah! You know, the day where they, uh, dress up as camels and go flying on helicopters. Yeah, that's it."

Urushi narrowed her eyes, staring in disbelief at her partner. She opened her mouth as if to say something then closed it. She honestly did not want to know. "And that, I presume, is the end of today's episode!" she concluded.

"T-T-That's all, folks!" Dara parodied, now back to her own, bizarre self.

A voice penetrated the finalization of the episode, causing the two teens to jump in their seats. "Hey! Wait, did you guys review without me?" A redhead quickly bursted into the room faster than the quickest ghast in the Nether.

"Oh! Hi, Mars!" Dara stuck out a tongue. "And yes, we just finished. It wasn't our fault you weren't there."

"It's _Mors,_ for Notch's sake, Dara. How did you even become a writer when you can't even spell my name?"

"I have my sources," she simply responded, crossing her arms confidently. "I'm older than all of you, in fact."

"Although that's rather hard to believe," snickered Urushi to herself.

"Anyway, as I said before, t-t-that's -"

Mors rudely finished, "- all, folks!"

Dara pouted at the girl stealing her spotlight greedily, throwing mental daggers towards her.

The third wheel, Urushi, realized that if the conversation continue, things would eventually heat up until an intense argument was sparked. And an intense argument would make a rather shabby impression on the audience.

Mors returned the glare she received from Dara, running a hand over a small dagger. "I have a dagger, you know."

The hyper extrovert mirrored her death stare, fingering a porkchop. "I have a porkchop, you know."

"I can slice that porkchop in half."

"I can break your dagger with a porkchop."

"That's impossible."

"You forgot a period between the 'm' and 'possible.' It's 'I'm possible. Get it right.'"

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Then you must have a low IQ."

A small snap could be heard as Mors' face darkened. With a panicked expression, Urushi quickly scurried to the camera, pressing a crimson button with great urgency. The images faded, leaving the voice of Mors shouting a cry similar to an attacking ghast and Dara squealing like the slice of dead pig in her hand.


End file.
